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Polly the Insulting Parrot
Parrots can talk, which means parrots can swear. It’d be hard to train your parrot to say things like _________, and _______, and of course _________ ___________ ___________, you ___________ _________...
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Anti-Theft Lunch Bags
Dave likes lunch. So much so, in fact, that he eats his it every day at about 11:30 — but, “accidentally,” eats someone else’s sandwich instead. And no one wants that anchovy, jalapeno, and mayo...
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Sriracha Popcorn
What’s better than popcorn? Making it taste like burning. Like atomic-bomb-went-off burning. It’s so hot that it’d make Orville Redenbacher bald if he weren’t bald already. Wait, Orville Redenbacher...
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Mini Ice Cream Sandwich Maker
Take two cookies. And some ice cream. Let’s face it, you’re already 95% on the way to being awesome. But that last five percent, that’s always the trick, isn’t it? Not any more. Not by a long shot....
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100 Trillion Dollars… in Zimbabwe
Being a millionaire must be cool. Being a billionaire, that too. But don’t settle for billions. Nope. Go for the big money. The real big money. Be a trillionaire. It’s so much money that...
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Pi Cake Mold
It’s a cake. It’s pi. It’s not a Pie, which we admit can be a little confusing. But it probably tastes good if you put good tasting stuff inside. The surface area of the top of it is roughly...
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Perplexus
See that little tiny metal marble? That’s you. The rest of the contraption? A three-dimensional maze, and you have to get through it. You the marble, not you yourself, because the Perplexus doesn’t...
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Miami PD Bomb Squad Patch
So you’re walking down the street and all of a sudden, someone screams, someone else yells “call the police!” and then, out of nowhere like Batman or something, a bunch of police officers run past...
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Go Team! Go Teamocil!
The eminent doctor Tobias Funke was multi-talented — an analyst a therapist, a classically trained actor by the great Carl Weathers, and of course, an elixir-dealing folk singer. That band was a...
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Yoda Computer Sitter
Work can be tough. You’re asked to do superhuman tasks — balance the corporate budget, pull an X-Wing Fighter out of a swamp, defeat Darth Vader, figure out how to make it so the men’s room doesn’t...
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Magnetic Putty
You know what’s awesome? Silly Putty. You know what’s awesome? Magnetic stuff. The thing about awesomeness is that it’s geometric. Take two awesome things an add them together and you don’t get...
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Sand That Doesn’t Get Everywhere
The worst five parts about making sand castles: sand in your shoes, in your shorts, in your lunch, in your hair, and the endless trips to the water to get the sand wet so you can make a sand castle...
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I Wrote This
This is the book. The book that I wrote. It does not rhyme. Unlike this note. Yours for $14.99 or less.
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Tetris Stress Blocks
You’re at work and stressed out because something something, something something something — oh, and something something something something! Every day, right? It’d be incredible if you could just...
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Egghead, the Party Game
From the product description: “You might have to recall things from the 80s in alphabetical order or name stuff a pirate would say with your answer starting with the last letter of the previous...
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Metal that Melts in Your Hand
It’s called Gallium. NOT Gollum. Just to be clear on that. If you’re still confused: 1) Gollum is forever linked to the One Ring, whicb can only be melted in the bowels of Mount Doom, behind the Black...
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Superhero Cook Book
Superman sliders. Batman cupcakes. Some sort of Wonder Woman yogurt sorbet thing. Green Lantern pizza. Nothing inside will give you super powers, but making the food is a ton of fun — and eating it is...
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Shark with Frickin’ Laser Pointer
Austin Powers’ nemesis, Dr. Evil, had one wish in life — “sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.” It’s a simple wish for a man who wants to take over the world; who wouldn’t want an...
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One Ring to Rule Them All
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Or in this case a fake ring. If you’re Sauron, that works too. I mean, you’re basically a...
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It Makes You Say Boo Boo Butt
In all seriousness, this is going to be the next classic children’s book. Don’t take my word for it. Here’s a video of the author (actor B.J. Novak) reading the book. It’s brilliant. Bonus feature:...
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